So, how do you want to play it? Do you want to revel in the traditions – the white dress, the three-tiered cake, Pachelbel’s Canon – or do you want to tear up the rulebook and do it your own way?
I probably don’t need to tell you what my choice would be. Why be a nice bride when you can be a naughty one? Here are a few wedding rules that you can either choose to uphold, and do so gracefully – or choose to ignore, and do so gleefully.
The Tradition: Don’t see each other before the ceremony
Nice Bride: Luxuriate in the getting ready part of the day by slipping on a white babydoll – the Karlotta is the perfect piece for that pre-wedding close-up.
Naughty Bride: Whilst quaffing champagne with your girlfriends the morning of the big day, snap a selfie in your underwear and Whatsapp it over to him. No caption needed. It won’t ruin the surprise of your dress and it’s bound to get him hot under that freshly starched collar.
The Tradition: Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue
Nice Bride: A flash of blue is a classic bridal trick. Slip into Bethanie – crafted of delicate and sheer ivory tulle and blue flowers – with your stockings and garter for the definitive virginal wink.
Naughty Bride: Something old, something new, something borrowed, something lewd. Wear an ouvert knicker beneath your gown for a guaranteed ticket to a racy wedding day. Nobody will know what you’re hiding beneath all that tulle – just as well, it would probably send Aunty Eileen to an early grave.
The Tradition: Keep your accessories understated
Nice Bride: Simple accessories allow your maidenly beauty to shine through. A sophisticated pair of diamond studs and a thong is a winning bridal combination. The double-strapped Callie or the nude-coloured Mercy will keep things sensuously straightforward.
Naughty Bride: Camp up your underthings as much as good taste can reasonably allow. Shun the lace garter in favour of something scintillating: the Akiko dripping in metallic chains will move thrillingly against your thigh on the way up the aisle.
The Tradition: Enjoy a blissful wedding night
Nice Bride: Leave the party at midnight and let everyone wave you goodbye with sparklers, and once you’re safely ensconced in the marital suite, unleash your true bridal glory on your newlywed: stockings, suspenders, a corset – the lot. Then let him unwrap you piece by rapturous piece.
Naughty Bride: While everyone is enjoying their second smoked salmon canapé and gossiping about how beautiful you look, grab your new husband (or wife) and nip down the garden with them for a quick and hard consummation of your marriage. Much hotter than waiting til late that night after several tequila shots – and likely much harder, too.
Written for Agent Provocateur, edited by Emma Salter